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Sunday
Jan062013

Uncle Dom, I'm writing to seek advice. My Italian born mother insists on visiting my father's grave every Christmas morning. He passed away when I was just a baby, so I never had the chance to really know him. Ever since I can remember, I was at the cemetery on Christmas morning when other kids were opening up their presents. This year I was invited to a friend`s house and I broke the tradition. Now she's terribly upset and refuses to speak to me. How can I make her change her mind?

Anna from San Diego

Dear Anna,

It`s not a question of changing her mind. It's your mind that needs to change. You are not the same little girl holding your mother`s hand as she lays flowers over her husband`s grave. Time has moved on. Your mother has not. You are a grown woman. She may have lost sight of that fact in her grief. Perhaps it takes her back to when your father was still with both of you. From what you wrote, it appears she has never gotten over his passing. And she may never be able to. Each of us deals with the death of a loved one differently. But you should not allow her to guilt you into her inability to move on with your life. Which is probably what your father would want both of you to do. What needs to be done is to have someone speak to Mamma and try to make her understand. Maybe you, maybe a close relative. I know it won`t be easy, but nothing important in life is.

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